I've had a lot of trouble setting goals for my life. I think that much of my problem is that I have never known exactly how to reach what I wanted to do. I have not had access to a lot of good advice or resources.
When I was in junior high and high school, I wanted to be more involved. For some reason I often had difficulty becoming involved. I stayed with my grandparents a lot and I hated to ask for money or even for anyone to drive me. They had already sacrificed a lot of their resources and retirement for us grandkids. My parents were not low-income people but my dad's alcoholism and lack of fiscal constraint was detrimental, leaving little money to spend on their children.
I did manage to have fairly good grades in high school and have some involvement, especially after I began to drive and got a part-time job. Then I faced the issue of college. What should I study? Where should I go? What were my career goals? This was all very overwhelming at the time.
Even when I finally arrived in college I never did know if I was going to be able to finish and be able to start a career. I had no financial support and it's a miracle I've accomplished as much as I have. Sometimes I felt like it was all possible. My sister tends to be a very negative person, so life seems so impossible that I might as well give up after I talk to her. I've learned this, so I try to guard my thoughts when I talk to her and sometimes even avoid talking to her.
When I'm not working toward my goals or if they seem impossible, I begin to fall apart. I lose motivation, even for things that need to be completed in the near future. I feel better when my goals are kept in mind, I feel like I have a plan, and I'm working towards them. When I think that I'm going to seminary, I feel better.
Here I am. I'm 25, a senior, and a day student turned Continuing Studies student at Drury University. I'm knocking out my history degree and will worry about secondary education as soon as I can. I will eventually teach history whether it be at a high school, a community college, or even a university. I will eventually go to seminary, preferably Eden Seminary in St. Louis and become a pastor in the United Church of Christ. I'd like to give up Pamida / Shopko Hometown as soon as it is financially possible, even though I truly enjoy working there and believe in the role of the company.
Don't let me forget this.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
It's time for an External Monitor
I'm determined to make my Acer TravelMate 2480 notebook last for a while longer. Sure, it may be old but it has become my own. The hard drive is larger and much faster than the original. I have installed the maximum amount of RAM the 2480 allows. I have a new keyboard ordered for it. I've been using the Ubuntu version of the Linux on for over 3 years now.
One thing that I believe would help my productivity would be a larger and brighter monitor. The 14.1 inch screen does not cut it. I find myself taking frequent breaks from reading, writing, and other work. Combined with an external keyboard and mouse, I believe my at-home experience with my old laptop could be significantly improved.
As for monitors, I'll now proceed to find a reasonable deal and, knowing me, I must find the best deal. I've started with the 22 inch Dell P2210 as my baseline, since that is what I've enjoyed in the computer lab here at Drury University. Anyone with any suggestions should leave a comment.
One thing that I believe would help my productivity would be a larger and brighter monitor. The 14.1 inch screen does not cut it. I find myself taking frequent breaks from reading, writing, and other work. Combined with an external keyboard and mouse, I believe my at-home experience with my old laptop could be significantly improved.
As for monitors, I'll now proceed to find a reasonable deal and, knowing me, I must find the best deal. I've started with the 22 inch Dell P2210 as my baseline, since that is what I've enjoyed in the computer lab here at Drury University. Anyone with any suggestions should leave a comment.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Church during the Holidays
I know church attendance tends to increase around Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. For me, these are the most difficult times to go to church. During these times, I see people with their families who've returned to the old family church. I'm alone. People say, "Oh, I figured you'd go home." I've even had people say, "I bet your mother misses you." These people don't mean any harm but it is like a punch of loneliness. Sometimes, it's easier just to sleep in on these Sunday mornings, but then I feel like I've missed out on my favorite time of the week. This year, working a lot is my very legitimate excuse.
As a young person, who until this fall was in college, I'm expected to go home during the holidays. Things might be different if I was lived near home with my own family or if I had a girlfriend. I'd have someone with me. It might also be different if there were other young people at church.
I welcome comments from others with similar experiences.
As a young person, who until this fall was in college, I'm expected to go home during the holidays. Things might be different if I was lived near home with my own family or if I had a girlfriend. I'd have someone with me. It might also be different if there were other young people at church.
I welcome comments from others with similar experiences.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
What Really Matters? People Matter.
What is really important in life? Is it money? Owning a nice home? Taking care of your own family? Rising in your career? How about educational attainment?
While these things all have their place, I've discovered what really makes me happy is the people I meet along the way. I enjoy getting to know people. I want to hear their stories, know where they're from, know their wishes, and even hear their genealogy. Getting to know someone is more of a high than making money!
What could be better than helping an elderly woman with her outdoor work? How about eating a small supper with a worried friend, just to be with them?
I've met people in high school, in college, through work, at church, and through other people. I've even had some online friendships, because of common interests. Every encounter with another person could impact both parties. Make the most of it.
While these things all have their place, I've discovered what really makes me happy is the people I meet along the way. I enjoy getting to know people. I want to hear their stories, know where they're from, know their wishes, and even hear their genealogy. Getting to know someone is more of a high than making money!
What could be better than helping an elderly woman with her outdoor work? How about eating a small supper with a worried friend, just to be with them?
I've met people in high school, in college, through work, at church, and through other people. I've even had some online friendships, because of common interests. Every encounter with another person could impact both parties. Make the most of it.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Spending a Day in Lexington
I've had a day off from temporarily helping at the Plattsburg, Missouri Pamida store. I've been staying at my brother's house outside of Richmond, Missouri. I didn't really want to spend the day with my sister-in-law, nephew, and the other kids that she watches. They're fine people but I'm not one who can sit around the house all day. So I headed to Lexington, Missouri. While it's not the town where I went to school, I did grow up with a Lexington address and my first job, at Pamida, was in Lexington.
As I often am, I was hungry. I parked my car in a parking lot that runs behind several downtown businesses and then walked to McDonald's. There I saw Allen and Ruth who went to St. Paul Church in Napoleon and were always very encouraging people as I was growing up. I had a sausage McGriddle and small orange juice, briefly chatted with Allen, and was on my way.
I went into the local branch of Trails Regional Library, just as they opened their doors at 9 a.m.. There, I read about a chapter of The Huffington Post Complete Guide to Blogging. I was just becoming interested, but felt like I should move on with my day. I sometimes feel strange just sitting at a library reading, although I know that they're a great, and often underused, public resource.
At 10 a.m. I walked down and across Main Street to Lexington Tech Solutions. As I opened the door I saw a high school classmate of mine sitting a desk. He said, "Nick?" I said, "Carl Meyers!" I started out by asking if he had a keyboard for my Acer TravelMate 2480 laptop. He didn't and I only had that one day to spend time in Lexington, so I didn't have time for one to be shipped. I had hoped that he would so that I could support a local Lexington business, but I still plan on getting one when I'm back in Springfield. We discussed how we had spent our time since graduation and how we felt about what we were doing. It hasn't been fantastic but it hasn't been terrible either. It was good to see him.
I proceeded back to the north side of Main Street and went into River Reader, an independent bookstore located next door to the library. I walked in and smelled the books, the coffee, the tea, and the soaps. It's cozy, it's different, and it fits in so well in downtown Lexington. I like chatting with the man who works there, who is always filled with interesting stories and knowledge about the books. There were two other young men in the store with laptops and books out, possibly students from Wentworth Military Academy and College. I bought In Broad Daylight: A Murder in Skidmore, Missouri, a Mighty Bright XtraFlex2 LED Book Light, and I Will Never Ever Not Eat a Tomato. As I was looking at In Broad Daylight, the man working in the store described how terrible main character was. Either he's a good salesman or I'm an easy customer, because he drew me so far in that I had to buy the book. I Will Never Ever Not Eat a Tomato is a gift for my nephew for Christmas. When I saw that book I recalled a recent occurrence of him shouting at his plate, "That's disgusting!" I don't recall what the food was.
After I left the bookstore, I approached the corner of 10th and Main Streets where I saw Mr. Bohall, the former band and choir director from my alma matter K-12 school, Wellington-Napoleon. We waved and said hi to each other. For a moment, I definitely felt like I was visiting a past life. I hopped into my car parked in the back downtown parking lot and took out towards Grandma Rodenberg's house, about 5 miles southwest of downtown Lexington.
When I arrived at Grandma Rodenberg's, Grandma was sleeping on the couch and I didn't see Grandpa. I gently woke Grandma up. After we went to the kitchen I asked where Grandpa was. She looked a little confused, then looked in the bathroom and living room. She said that he must have not gotten up yet, even though it was 11:30. She went across the hall, into the bedroom, and woke him up. She wanted to know if I wanted a frozen pizza or canned chili. I chose pizza but when I went to the freezer on the back porch there was no pizza to be found. Grandma went and looked for herself to confirm, so we had chili instead.
During the afternoon, I slept at my old station on the west couch in the living room. There I have western light coming from a window to the right of the couch, just behind me. There is also a window to look towards the northwest from where I'm sitting. It's also the closest spot in the living room to the television. It and it's predecessor couch were always my spot in the living room as a child.
Apparently my Grandma still wanted pizza, so she wanted me to order some from Pizza Hut. I hooked my Blackberry to my computer for a tethered Internet connection, which I don't typically use. Using my slow EDGE connection, I proceeded to order a pizza online rather than quickly calling in an order. I looked for the special that best fitted our needs. My Grandma requested a supreme. For the second pizza I ordered pineapple with chicken. I ran into Lexington to pick up the pizzas, which they were just putting on the warming rack when I arrived at the counter. Back at the house as we were eating, Grandma wasn't fond of the supreme, saying that it tasted different, and called my chicken and pineapple pizza a "strange, new pizza." I thought that both were fine but had personally wished I had ordered from Papa Jacks. Pizza Hut I could get in many towns but Papa Jacks is only available in Lexington.
Grandma Rodenberg has always been a worrier. Tonight, she called my younger brother's and dad's cell phones, leaving messages telling them to come over because there was pizza. They hadn't been in the house all day. They did turn around in the driveway twice, probably not coming in after seeing that I was there. Since she hadn't seen them all day and they weren't responding, Grandma became worried. She sent some pizza with me to take to them. They weren't in their house, so I left it in the fridge. I'm hoping they let her know that they're safe so that she can sleep well tonight.
At last, around 7 p.m. I arrived back at my brother's in Richmond, to be in bed by 8 or 9 p.m. and go back to work in Plattsburg tomorrow.
As I often am, I was hungry. I parked my car in a parking lot that runs behind several downtown businesses and then walked to McDonald's. There I saw Allen and Ruth who went to St. Paul Church in Napoleon and were always very encouraging people as I was growing up. I had a sausage McGriddle and small orange juice, briefly chatted with Allen, and was on my way.
I went into the local branch of Trails Regional Library, just as they opened their doors at 9 a.m.. There, I read about a chapter of The Huffington Post Complete Guide to Blogging. I was just becoming interested, but felt like I should move on with my day. I sometimes feel strange just sitting at a library reading, although I know that they're a great, and often underused, public resource.
At 10 a.m. I walked down and across Main Street to Lexington Tech Solutions. As I opened the door I saw a high school classmate of mine sitting a desk. He said, "Nick?" I said, "Carl Meyers!" I started out by asking if he had a keyboard for my Acer TravelMate 2480 laptop. He didn't and I only had that one day to spend time in Lexington, so I didn't have time for one to be shipped. I had hoped that he would so that I could support a local Lexington business, but I still plan on getting one when I'm back in Springfield. We discussed how we had spent our time since graduation and how we felt about what we were doing. It hasn't been fantastic but it hasn't been terrible either. It was good to see him.
I proceeded back to the north side of Main Street and went into River Reader, an independent bookstore located next door to the library. I walked in and smelled the books, the coffee, the tea, and the soaps. It's cozy, it's different, and it fits in so well in downtown Lexington. I like chatting with the man who works there, who is always filled with interesting stories and knowledge about the books. There were two other young men in the store with laptops and books out, possibly students from Wentworth Military Academy and College. I bought In Broad Daylight: A Murder in Skidmore, Missouri, a Mighty Bright XtraFlex2 LED Book Light, and I Will Never Ever Not Eat a Tomato. As I was looking at In Broad Daylight, the man working in the store described how terrible main character was. Either he's a good salesman or I'm an easy customer, because he drew me so far in that I had to buy the book. I Will Never Ever Not Eat a Tomato is a gift for my nephew for Christmas. When I saw that book I recalled a recent occurrence of him shouting at his plate, "That's disgusting!" I don't recall what the food was.
After I left the bookstore, I approached the corner of 10th and Main Streets where I saw Mr. Bohall, the former band and choir director from my alma matter K-12 school, Wellington-Napoleon. We waved and said hi to each other. For a moment, I definitely felt like I was visiting a past life. I hopped into my car parked in the back downtown parking lot and took out towards Grandma Rodenberg's house, about 5 miles southwest of downtown Lexington.
When I arrived at Grandma Rodenberg's, Grandma was sleeping on the couch and I didn't see Grandpa. I gently woke Grandma up. After we went to the kitchen I asked where Grandpa was. She looked a little confused, then looked in the bathroom and living room. She said that he must have not gotten up yet, even though it was 11:30. She went across the hall, into the bedroom, and woke him up. She wanted to know if I wanted a frozen pizza or canned chili. I chose pizza but when I went to the freezer on the back porch there was no pizza to be found. Grandma went and looked for herself to confirm, so we had chili instead.
During the afternoon, I slept at my old station on the west couch in the living room. There I have western light coming from a window to the right of the couch, just behind me. There is also a window to look towards the northwest from where I'm sitting. It's also the closest spot in the living room to the television. It and it's predecessor couch were always my spot in the living room as a child.
Apparently my Grandma still wanted pizza, so she wanted me to order some from Pizza Hut. I hooked my Blackberry to my computer for a tethered Internet connection, which I don't typically use. Using my slow EDGE connection, I proceeded to order a pizza online rather than quickly calling in an order. I looked for the special that best fitted our needs. My Grandma requested a supreme. For the second pizza I ordered pineapple with chicken. I ran into Lexington to pick up the pizzas, which they were just putting on the warming rack when I arrived at the counter. Back at the house as we were eating, Grandma wasn't fond of the supreme, saying that it tasted different, and called my chicken and pineapple pizza a "strange, new pizza." I thought that both were fine but had personally wished I had ordered from Papa Jacks. Pizza Hut I could get in many towns but Papa Jacks is only available in Lexington.
Grandma Rodenberg has always been a worrier. Tonight, she called my younger brother's and dad's cell phones, leaving messages telling them to come over because there was pizza. They hadn't been in the house all day. They did turn around in the driveway twice, probably not coming in after seeing that I was there. Since she hadn't seen them all day and they weren't responding, Grandma became worried. She sent some pizza with me to take to them. They weren't in their house, so I left it in the fridge. I'm hoping they let her know that they're safe so that she can sleep well tonight.
At last, around 7 p.m. I arrived back at my brother's in Richmond, to be in bed by 8 or 9 p.m. and go back to work in Plattsburg tomorrow.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Welcoming the Exiled Student
An odd thing has occurred during my semester off from college. I have visited the campus about once every week or two and I feel welcomed. Professors care. The staff cares. I feel like I belong.
First of all, I e-mailed one of my history professors. I told him my situation, the causes, and my plans for the future. He has been extremely supportive. He recalled the first year he had me as a student and said that I did solid work at that time. He encourages me to return to the university.
I visited one of my education professors. While I was there, another education professor commented to the professor I was visiting that she was so happy that I plan to return. That felt good because they were both people I admire. The professor that I went to visit said that it's not like I have a cognitive problem. That's always good to know!
Then there is the director of retention. In the past, he met with me a couple of times a semester, just to make sure I would return the next semester. Now that I'm relaxed, it's easy for me to stop by his office and end up talking for nearly an hour.
Why did it take three years, the latter two being years of struggle, to feel like I belong? Is it because I'm going to visit adults, who I tend to connect with, rather than waiting on friendships to develop with fellow students, who I often feel very different from? Was I in a mental state where no person could really reach me? I don't have a definite answer but I do like where I'm headed
First of all, I e-mailed one of my history professors. I told him my situation, the causes, and my plans for the future. He has been extremely supportive. He recalled the first year he had me as a student and said that I did solid work at that time. He encourages me to return to the university.
I visited one of my education professors. While I was there, another education professor commented to the professor I was visiting that she was so happy that I plan to return. That felt good because they were both people I admire. The professor that I went to visit said that it's not like I have a cognitive problem. That's always good to know!
Then there is the director of retention. In the past, he met with me a couple of times a semester, just to make sure I would return the next semester. Now that I'm relaxed, it's easy for me to stop by his office and end up talking for nearly an hour.
Why did it take three years, the latter two being years of struggle, to feel like I belong? Is it because I'm going to visit adults, who I tend to connect with, rather than waiting on friendships to develop with fellow students, who I often feel very different from? Was I in a mental state where no person could really reach me? I don't have a definite answer but I do like where I'm headed
Monday, August 22, 2011
Time to Understand Myself
I have been very blessed recently. My sister's husband's parents invited me to move in with them, just west of Springfield. Initially I was hesitant but at last I agreed. Within two or three days of agreeing, they were at my apartment helping me load my stuff to go to their house. Truthfully, I was forced to agree. My income was not consistent enough which could really put me into a bind, especially if I had automobile or medical issues. At the same time I was realizing that I could not carry on at Drury. My professors and others there knew that I was struggling just to keep going. They had advised me to take some time off and figure out what I needed to work on. Sure, if I really insisted I could continue but why would I want to if I was not able to benefit from and enjoy the experience.
Stopping school for a while was very difficult for me to do. It is like admitting defeat. I know that I'll go back and finish. I have invested far too much for me to quit. I had to call my sister and I know that she stresses a lot herself. Her responses to things often stress me out more than the original occurrences. I still dread telling people that I had to stop simply because it is embarrassing. What I've found is that most people assure me that I'll be successful in life no matter what I do. Others know that I'm dedicated to my goals and will return to college. Some even feel sad for me and wish that things were easier for myself as well as other young people.
On the other hand it is already giving me the opportunity to explore myself and to work out some issues. I have found that I stress and feel guilty when I'm not busy, whether I need a short break or even if I have nothing to do. For the past couple of years I have felt guilty any time I needed to relax. Now I know that I need to embrace down time because it is necessary if I'm going to achieve my goals. "Work hard and play hard!" I finally get it!
Stopping school for a while was very difficult for me to do. It is like admitting defeat. I know that I'll go back and finish. I have invested far too much for me to quit. I had to call my sister and I know that she stresses a lot herself. Her responses to things often stress me out more than the original occurrences. I still dread telling people that I had to stop simply because it is embarrassing. What I've found is that most people assure me that I'll be successful in life no matter what I do. Others know that I'm dedicated to my goals and will return to college. Some even feel sad for me and wish that things were easier for myself as well as other young people.
On the other hand it is already giving me the opportunity to explore myself and to work out some issues. I have found that I stress and feel guilty when I'm not busy, whether I need a short break or even if I have nothing to do. For the past couple of years I have felt guilty any time I needed to relax. Now I know that I need to embrace down time because it is necessary if I'm going to achieve my goals. "Work hard and play hard!" I finally get it!
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